MEN’S ISSUES IN RECOVERY, PART 3: PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUGS (PED’s)

An Alpha Sober House Client Talks About Performance Enhancing Drugs (PED’s)

Growing up I always thought being a man meant muscles. Walking into the gym at 15 years old I remember listening to the sound of that deep grunt of my older cousin benching 140kg. My eyes would light up as he would stand up chest dropping and veins popping. This was it. I was in my element. All I wanted was to be that guy. Mr. tough guy with the 21 inch arms. Someone who was feared by men and loved by women in equal measure.
As time went on, despite massive consumption of mass gainer and creatine products, I wasn’t seeing the same results that my cousin and other men would get. I asked myself what was I missing? Was it just me or was there something I didn’t know? After a few google searches the answer was clear. I’d heard the whispers about steroids but I thought this was just whispers. The people I was around didn’t do that stuff. Or did they? Fast forward a little, 10 weeks into my first steroid cycle, I was 12kgs up. This was it. Here I am, “the man” walking through my local area, Burwood, on a Thursday night in an Ed hardy singlet, with heads turning and people clearing the path I walked. Who said anything about a low self esteem? Please, I’ve got all the self-esteem I could ever need. And it came in a 1 ml. vial called Sustanon 250. It was awesome. I felt invincible. But like anything that comes quickly I knew something had to give. It wasn’t until my next cycle when I introduced Deca Durabolin aka “Deca Dick”, that things started to go off kilter. I was 10kgs heavier but I was also struggling to get an erection. I had begun using cocaine quite heavily, as well as alcohol and Xanax. Often, when I was on cocaine I would also visit brothels. One night I found myself 40 hours into a bender at one of Sydney’s high class brothels high on cocaine. I was taking Xanax every couple hours to bring my anxiety down, a Viagra in order to get an erection. I can still remember this like it was yesterday. I was dripping sweat like a waterfall I didn’t know what was going to come first – my heart attack or my orgasm. Often, the beat of my heart would get so strong that I would think – this is it. But it never stopped me from taking PED’s or any of the other drugs.

WHAT WAS I SEEKING?

This is one of many stories I can tell you. Now, I am in recovery. I often ask myself what was it I was seeking? Validation, gratification, respect? It’s like anything … if you need to seek happiness from an external source then you’re never going to find it. Happiness starts from within. I learnt this the hard way. I don’t want to tell you what to take and what to stay away from, but if I do have any advice then it’s this. We don’t even really know (and this includes scientists) what exactly are the effects of new PED’s such as Sarms and Peptides. If your adamant about taking something to improve your body image, then at least do your research on the effects on your body and long term health. Consult a doctor. But my best advice is get to the bottom of why you’re really taking it in the first place. If it’s just for that edge, or to get faster gains in your bulk, then just remember that little birdy on your shoulder telling you daily this isn’t 100% real. Just remember that what goes up must come down.
Side effects of long term steroid and PED use include the following;
  • Breasts instead of pecs (when you stop)
  • Shrunken testicles (when you start)
  • Infertility (long term)
  • Balding (irreversible)
  • Acne (whilst using)
  • Heart and liver problems (long term)
  • Depression (on cessation)
I still have my reservations and sometimes I think of doing them again, but for the most part I don’t miss it. Nowadays I am looking the best I’ve ever looked and I’ve found some good new PED’s – called chicken breast, sweet potato and broccoli!

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